How To Know a Person with David Brooks

As society grapples with an alarming surge in loneliness, disconnection, and isolation, best-selling author and renowned columnist David Brooks has dedicated the last four years to studying how to build better connections. In this thought-provoking interview, Brooks draws from his personal experiences and his latest book, ‘How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen,’ to discuss how more meaningful communication has the potential to repair the world at large. From listening openly to asking compassionate questions, Brooks shares seemingly small yet transformative everyday actions that help us to ‘see’ others. This in turn can help us to better understand ourselves. Brooks explores the art of having a good conversation, the value of deep friendship, and the societal importance of fostering trust, providing a roadmap for improving our social interactions and, ultimately, our democracy. This interview is a must-listen for anyone interested in sharpening their social skills, establishing lasting relationships, and fostering a more connected and empathetic world.

Born in 1961 in Toronto, Brooks grew up in New York City and Pennsylvania and graduated from the University of Chicago in 1983 with a B.A. in history. He began his media career as a police reporter for the City News Bureau in Chicago before he joined The Washington Times in 1984. In 1986 he joined The Wall Street Journal, initially editing the paper’s book reviews and briefly serving as a film critic. He then worked from the paper’s Brussels office as an editor and foreign correspondent. By the end of his tenure at the Journal in 1994, he had become an editor of the paper’s opinion page. He became a senior editor at The Weekly Standard magazine at its inception in 1995. He was also a contributing editor of Newsweek magazine. In 2003 Brooks began writing an op-ed column for The New York Times. The following year he became a commentator on The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer. In addition to his news reporting and commentary, Brooks was the editor of the anthology Backward and Upward: The New Conservative Writing (1996) and the author of Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There (2000), On Paradise Drive: How We Live Now (and Always Have) in the Future Tense (2004), The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement (2011), The Road to Character (2015), and The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life (2019).

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Chapter Markers:
00:00:00 - Opening
00:00:16 - Importance of social skills
00:04:33 - The power of being seen
00:08:06 - Recognition is essential
00:15:52 - Social crisis of isolation
00:19:46 - Transformation & personal change
00:22:32 - Wisdom as receptivity
00:25:40 - Influence of wise mentors
00:27:31 - Childhood patterns in adulthood
00:30:16 - Play as emotional connection
00:31:52 - Fear of intimacy
00:35:47 - Getting to know someone
00:37:38 - Importance of small social actions
00:41:40 - Apologizing & forgiving
00:43:00 - Sitting with someone in suffering
00:45:14 - Seeing from others’ points of view
00:47:06 - Addressing the gap in social skills
00:49:57 - Defining deep friendship
00:54:38 - Dehumanization vs. humanization
00:56:37 - Talking to strangers
01:01:56 - National problems and our social fabric
01:11:07 - Illuminators & diminishers
01:20:22 - The role of tenderness
01:33:50 - Asking better questions
01:39:55 - Developing a philosophy of life
01:45:50 - The process of grief
02:02:33 - On admiration
02:07:29 - The importance of life stories

David Brooks, Columnist, The New York Times
Interviewed By: Teddy Kunhardt
Interview Date: November 10, 2023

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