Crisis of Confidence - Lyneham Heath - Helmet Cam

I’m very annoyed with myself for showing such a lack of commitment and nerve in this video. After two eliminations in 2014 and a couple of falls in 2015 (the last one seeing both Pigeon and I going over backwards out on the cross country course at Sapey) I have lost a lot of confidence in myself. I have been making progress with getting my bottle back but didn’t realise how lacking it was until this trip to Lyneham Heath… We started off happy enough but when Joe made that triple bar bigger and wider I went to pieces and that hesitation stayed with me for the rest of the session, transferring to Pigeon as well. Unfortunately my confidence crisis shows itself when I get just in front of the fence and loose heart pulling Pigeon up. This then makes Pigeon less confident when I come back around and try again and a vicious circle follows! I am very lucky to have such good friends who are supporting me through this and trying to help me regain my usual lack of self-preservation and trust in the Pigeester... Also featured in this video are two of my fellow Blenheim teammates (we do have a good laugh between my blips). Tor and her fabulous Irish mare Nuala make it all look so effortless! Then there is our geriatric combination of Claire (in her fifties) and 19 year old former 3* eventer Harry who loved being back out on a cross country course. I’m also indebted to Abi (again) who has keen eyes on the ground and came up with the cunning idea of moving my reins to the middle hole on my gag so I can’t pull Pige up as easily in front of the fence. I felt very guilty towards Joe MacDonald my trainer during this trip… It must be very frustrating for him to see me ride so poorly when he knows that Pigeon and I are perfectly capable of jumping anything he puts in front of us! So now to make a decision… give up and settle in my comfort zone or pull on the big girl pants scare myself silly and get on with it? It’s no choice really… I love jumping this mare and owe it to her to have faith in our ability together. I know it will take time and effort to fully get my mojo back but I am determined to overcome this set back! Comment with your own experiences of losing (and regaining) confidence. Hopefully your stories will help me through this sticky patch.

PS. Apologies if you had already seen this upload which then disappeared. I found there was a minute missing from the end so had to upload again!

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