Destroy All Planets (1968)
85.5 هزار بار بازدید -
9 سال پیش
-
Stand by for rubber carnage!Any
Stand by for rubber carnage!
Any movie that starts with a spaceship that looks like it’s escaped from Willy Wonka’s private bee farm is ok by us. Especially when the interior seems to be made of various plastic shapes, hula hoops, lights and kaleidoscopes, like an evil alien old-school children’s TV set. There always was something a bit off about those presenters…
Usefully, these lit up shapes set the scene for us, telling us why they’re heading to Earth, basically it’s a mission of conquest because they want our nitrogen, while we look at said planet through a space window. These kind of voice-overs really are useful for bypassing such bothersome things as acting or storytelling.
Next thing you know, the ship’s being munched by Gammera. Gammera, for those of you who don’t know is a badass rubberised space turtle. He’s like all four ninja turtles rolled into one, bitten by a werewolf and then spun until he’s really really dizzy for good measure
by the rockets coming out of his shell in four places, giving him a spinning Frisbee of death vibe to make him all the more fearsome. Or a poor man’s Godzilla, depending on how you look at it.
Once the opening credits have rolled we find ourselves at a boy-scout camp, providing the mouth-watering prospect of a blood-and-woggle filled massacre. But what’s this? Masao and Jim are missing! Oh no! They are, of course, off causing mischief; in this instance, changing the controls of a scientist’s new yellow submarine. No, seriously.
Luckily, Masao’s sister has a compass on her watch that can locate him.
Presumably because he’s a magnet. It can also communicate with him via his compass watch. Shame she didn’t think to use it as soon as he went missing really.
So anyway, the boys are found and all the boy-scouts troop off to see the yellow submarine. Due to Masao’s meddling, we are treated to the hilarity of a yellow submarine with broken steering being test-driven. Haha! The kid’s trick’s going to kill some grown-ups!
In a scene clearly ripped off by George Lucas for the pod racers, we get to see the yellow submarine racing a giant space turtle to marching band music, because giant rubber monsters love to make friends with children.
A sizable chunk of the film is taken up with flashback scenes of previous Gammera films, ostensibly so the alien invaders can research the beast and find a weakspot to destroy him.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it saves time and work for the scriptwriters and keeps the Gammera production line rolling.
So, having done their research, the aliens decide to take advantage of Gammera’s fondness for human children. Surely they’ll win and Gammera will be made into soup, right?
Spoiler alert: No chance!
We won’t give too much away but, sufficed to say, you can neither enslave, nor kill Gammera. Even if you do set Viras, a giant rubber space squid on him. At which point, it’s your standard two men in rubber monster suits stand-up-knock-down wrestling extravaganza, which is every bit as much fun as you’d expect.
At one point in the film the governments of the world are prepared to give up the whole planet to save the lives of two children. Somewhat short-sighted perhaps. Especially as Masao would no doubt gladly see all of them risking their lives on a faulty submarine.
And, lets face it, their parents could always have some more sex. But I digress.
We also learn that Masao and Jimmy can’t fly, because they’re kids, apparently. And there are some human-looking glowing eyed aliens too.
Of course, Gammera’s no Godzilla. He also lacks the giant Lizard’s epic du-du-du-du soundtrack. But, lets face it, there simply aren’t enough Godzilla movies to fill a boy’s need for constant rubber monster battles, and a razor-toothed, fire-spitting yo-yo that’s broken off it’s string is more than good enough to fill the void.
It might have been mentioned before, but BlocTV loves these special effects. It may be a regression to a time of childhood and innocence thing, or a weariness with tedious computerized extravaganzas, or just the fact the acting’s better than certain members of the Hollywood elite (we’ll save the character assassinations for another time). Anyway, watch Destroy All Planets. I mean, if you’ve read this far, you’re invested now. So why not?
By the way, welcome to our new online movie thing. See you next time.
- BlocTV
Any movie that starts with a spaceship that looks like it’s escaped from Willy Wonka’s private bee farm is ok by us. Especially when the interior seems to be made of various plastic shapes, hula hoops, lights and kaleidoscopes, like an evil alien old-school children’s TV set. There always was something a bit off about those presenters…
Usefully, these lit up shapes set the scene for us, telling us why they’re heading to Earth, basically it’s a mission of conquest because they want our nitrogen, while we look at said planet through a space window. These kind of voice-overs really are useful for bypassing such bothersome things as acting or storytelling.
Next thing you know, the ship’s being munched by Gammera. Gammera, for those of you who don’t know is a badass rubberised space turtle. He’s like all four ninja turtles rolled into one, bitten by a werewolf and then spun until he’s really really dizzy for good measure
by the rockets coming out of his shell in four places, giving him a spinning Frisbee of death vibe to make him all the more fearsome. Or a poor man’s Godzilla, depending on how you look at it.
Once the opening credits have rolled we find ourselves at a boy-scout camp, providing the mouth-watering prospect of a blood-and-woggle filled massacre. But what’s this? Masao and Jim are missing! Oh no! They are, of course, off causing mischief; in this instance, changing the controls of a scientist’s new yellow submarine. No, seriously.
Luckily, Masao’s sister has a compass on her watch that can locate him.
Presumably because he’s a magnet. It can also communicate with him via his compass watch. Shame she didn’t think to use it as soon as he went missing really.
So anyway, the boys are found and all the boy-scouts troop off to see the yellow submarine. Due to Masao’s meddling, we are treated to the hilarity of a yellow submarine with broken steering being test-driven. Haha! The kid’s trick’s going to kill some grown-ups!
In a scene clearly ripped off by George Lucas for the pod racers, we get to see the yellow submarine racing a giant space turtle to marching band music, because giant rubber monsters love to make friends with children.
A sizable chunk of the film is taken up with flashback scenes of previous Gammera films, ostensibly so the alien invaders can research the beast and find a weakspot to destroy him.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it saves time and work for the scriptwriters and keeps the Gammera production line rolling.
So, having done their research, the aliens decide to take advantage of Gammera’s fondness for human children. Surely they’ll win and Gammera will be made into soup, right?
Spoiler alert: No chance!
We won’t give too much away but, sufficed to say, you can neither enslave, nor kill Gammera. Even if you do set Viras, a giant rubber space squid on him. At which point, it’s your standard two men in rubber monster suits stand-up-knock-down wrestling extravaganza, which is every bit as much fun as you’d expect.
At one point in the film the governments of the world are prepared to give up the whole planet to save the lives of two children. Somewhat short-sighted perhaps. Especially as Masao would no doubt gladly see all of them risking their lives on a faulty submarine.
And, lets face it, their parents could always have some more sex. But I digress.
We also learn that Masao and Jimmy can’t fly, because they’re kids, apparently. And there are some human-looking glowing eyed aliens too.
Of course, Gammera’s no Godzilla. He also lacks the giant Lizard’s epic du-du-du-du soundtrack. But, lets face it, there simply aren’t enough Godzilla movies to fill a boy’s need for constant rubber monster battles, and a razor-toothed, fire-spitting yo-yo that’s broken off it’s string is more than good enough to fill the void.
It might have been mentioned before, but BlocTV loves these special effects. It may be a regression to a time of childhood and innocence thing, or a weariness with tedious computerized extravaganzas, or just the fact the acting’s better than certain members of the Hollywood elite (we’ll save the character assassinations for another time). Anyway, watch Destroy All Planets. I mean, if you’ve read this far, you’re invested now. So why not?
By the way, welcome to our new online movie thing. See you next time.
- BlocTV
9 سال پیش
در تاریخ 1394/09/11 منتشر شده
است.
85,581
بـار بازدید شده