How Widows and Widowers Can Make Their New Love Number One
28.4 هزار بار بازدید -
4 سال پیش
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What does it take for
What does it take for widows and widowers to make their new love feel like number one? In this video, relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh reads a Facebook post from a remarried widower titled "Wife First, not Second Wife" and discusses the decisions and actions this widower had to put his new wife and their relationship above everything else.
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BOOKS
Dating a Widower amzn.to/2FSddpX
The Ultimate Dating Guide for Widowers amzn.to/2ZBQ6c9
Room for Two amzn.to/39pKfeA
Life with a Widower amzn.to/2MFv6fx
Marrying a Widower amzn.to/2Qyf48r
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Shared with permission of the author. Originally posted on www.facebook.com/daniel.snow.100/posts/10159637621…
WIFE FIRST, NOT SECOND WIFE.
An essay on speaking up.
By: Daniel W Snow
6/7/2020
Sometimes I actually struggle to come up with the words to express myself. I can not remember a time where that was more true than right now. There has been a serious matter that has weighed on my mind for some time, and I can’t bite my tongue any longer. I have been pondering on this topic for several months, and wanting the right way to speak my mind, and to be totally understood. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that there is no way that I can actually say what is in my heart and to be completely understood. Therefore, I will choose to speak, and hope for understanding from those who have open hearts and minds.
I think we can all agree that people often speak without thinking. I have been guilty of this myself once or twice. Sometimes people just say what pops in their head without thinking of how what they say will impact others. These times I am referring to and will highlight in a moment often there is no offense intended or even realized that there was offense taken. I understand that they stem from people who are not completely aware of the delicacy of the situations.
Without further adieu, I am talking about how people treat my family. Specifically my wife and myself, especially in relation to our relationship, or her place as the wife of a widower. Take a second and put yourself in her place, or even my place if that is easier for you. If you have passed away, wouldn’t you want your spouse to find happiness? If your spouse has passed away don’t you deserve to find happiness? If you find happiness with a widow or widower, do you deserve to be treated as a second spouse, or are you entitled to all of the happiness that comes from sharing a marriage and making a family that is your own?
Still with me?
Good.
Let’s get down and dirty. A couple examples to illustrate what I am referring to;
Recently, a local church leader told my 12 year old daughter that Brenda isn’t her real mother. Right here and right now, Brenda is 100% the mother to all of my children. She takes care of their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs with a heart full of love and with no hesitation. Yesterday, my heart melted when I caught my 9 year old lovingly holding hand with Brenda in a crowded room. My kids call her mom, and to them, that is who she is. 100%, no question. This person may have thought that she was helping our daughter. Wrong. She was damaging one of the best relationships that this girl has in this world. Did she intend to be offensive or hurtful? I doubt it. But, her words however well intended, came out wrong, and damage was done to myself, my daughter, and my wife. For weeks, Abby was depressed after that conversation with her church leader.
A few months ago some of my old friends were in our home, and getting to know Brenda for the first time. There were lots of questions. As we explained the way we were establishing our home, a woman I had been friends with for many years said “Emily wouldn’t like that”. Guess what? This isn’t Emily’s home. This is Dan and Brenda Snow’s home. As we have blended two families into one super family, there were some significant changes from all parties. We look different now to anyone who has known either family before. But the fact of the matter is, we are one family, and we are doing what is best for our family. I did not marry Brenda because she was Emily 2.0. I cherish all of the things that make Brenda different from Emily. This is not to ever say that one woman is better in any way than the other, but that we accept people for who they are. Heck it’s even possible to love the differences. I would be a fool to try to compare or rank the women who I have been fortunate enough to love and marry. Yet, I was a fool to allow my friends to do exactly that. I bit my tongue and let the Emily vs Brenda comparisons happen right in
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