John Joe McMahon sings the Farting contest

John Joe McMahon (1926-2016) from Ballinoe, Miltown Malbay, Co Clare sings humorous song The farting contest recorded in 1987.

I will sing you a ditty that is certain to please
Of a farting contest of Sifton on Tees
Where all the big arses paraded the field
To compete for a cup and a lovely gold shield

In one competition they fart up the scale
Which wins them a cup and a bottle of ale
While others whose arses are bigger and stronger
Could compete in the cup for loudest and longest

'Twas this competition that drew the best crowd
And betting was evens on Mrs McCloud
For news had appeared in the midday edition
That this lady's arse was in perfect condition

Now the ladies lined up for the contest to start
And winning the toss Mrs Jones took first fart
With hands on her hips and legs well apart
She blew off the roof of the grandstand for start

Next came Mrs Winkle who thought nothing of this
Having trained on a diet she was all wind and piss
She took up her stand and the crowd she defied
But she shit in her pants and was disqualified

Now old Mrs Hobbs had a perfect backside
With a big carbuncle and a wart on each side
She thought 'twas a contest that she'd win with ease
Having trained on a diet of porter and peas

Mrs Bingle arrived amid roars of applause
And promptly proceeded to pull off her drawers
She thought she had no chance in the contest at all
But she beat the whole lot and out-farted them all

With hands  on her hips she stood farting alone
And all was amazed by the sweetness of tone
The judges agreed without hindrance or pause
First prize Mrs Bingle you may pull up your drawers

She walked to the rostrum with maidenly gait
And received from the vicar a set of gold plates
Then turning around and facing the ring
She farted the last verse of God Save the King

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