"The the Impotence of Proofreading," by TAYLOR MALI

This poem was not so hard to memorize as many people suspect. It's a string of jokes that follows a storyline, and all I have to do is remember the story and be sure to land the jokes in order. I wrote it in the late 1990s while teaching at a private school in New York City called The Browning School; indeed, when the poem was published in my book, "What Learning Leaves," I dedicated it to "the students of The Drowning School in New York, New York, NY."

Let me offer here my sincerest apologies to all the ASL interpreters over the years who have tried to interpret this poem for any hearing-impaired audience members. Sorry for turning the attention of the audience toward you in your moment of struggle. But thank you for adding to the performance and teaching us some ASL in the process! I will never forget the signs for IMPOTENCE, CLIT, and DOUCHE. Special mention must go here to Sarah Bement, the program coordinator for Deaf Studies at Northwestern Connecticut Community College, who remains the most successful interpreter of this poem ever! Yes, she's done it on at least three separate occasions (getting better each time!), but she COMMITS to every joke. She told me that sometimes she signs what I actually SAY, sometimes what I MEAN to say, and sometimes she needs to sign BOTH, back to back! The result is always the glorious and unmistakeable sound of deaf people laughing out loud (a split-second after the rest of the audience). Thank you and Godspeed wherever you are!

Lastly, this poem has cost a handful of teachers their jobs, and I am sorry about that, too. No poem is perfect for everyone, but seventh grade is too young to be given the text of this poem in its entirety.

Performed at the very first Page Meets Stage pairing at the Bowery Poetry Club on November 12, 2005, which featured me (Taylor Mali) and my mentor Billy Collins. I remember that this day started for me in Copenhagen, Denmark, at the end of a two-week long tour of international schools where I'd been teaching. After a frantic day of travel—thank goodness the time change worked to my advantage—the day finished sharing the stage with Billy Collins in front of a sold out crowd at the Bowery Poetry Club. As the evening progressed, you can see Billy begin to relax and enjoy himself more, chuckling in places during my poems. Special thanks to Chad Anderson for filming and editing the night.

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