Edgyalbert Presents: 5 Shoes Everyone Should Have (Except I cheated and it's 7)

A friend of a friend asked me what five shoes every person should have. I rant, rave, and try and think of five broad categories in which to shop for shoes.
Bonus content at the end explaining my love of Asics, hate for Urban Outfitters, and my thoughts on Guidi boots -- namely that I want them...